Gather ‘round the trash fire, weary wanderers, for the stars have scribbled their secrets on a moldy napkin and handed it to none other than Hobo Harry. Here be your horoscopes for May 30th, 2025—boiled in mystery, seasoned with soot, and probably cursed.
♈ Aries (Ram of Rusty Rails)
Your fuse is short and your boots are loud. Today, temper that spark—unless you want to accidentally start a chili fire in a church basement again. A wise goat offers cryptic advice. Listen.
♉ Taurus (Bull of Boxcars)
You’re stubborn enough to arm-wrestle a train, and frankly, you might win. But beware of emotional luggage—someone’s bringing up “the incident with the raccoon and the accordion” again. Stay grounded.
♊ Gemini (Twins of Track-Switchin’)
You’re two voices in a tin can today—both talkin’ over each other. Flip a coin before major decisions. One twin wants glory, the other wants cheese. Either way, don’t trust a clown with a clipboard.
♋ Cancer (Crab of Coal Dust)
Retreat if you must, but don’t hide so deep you forget where you stashed your soul. A found object—perhaps a shoe, perhaps a haunting poem inside a hot dog bun—leads to self-reflection. Avoid ex-lovers with knives.
♌ Leo (Lion of Lantern Light)
Strut and shine, baby, but mind the grease puddle. You’re being watched—by admirers and by raccoons who want your style secrets. Today’s about pride, but don’t let it trip you into a trash can.
♍ Virgo (Virgin of Vinegar Jars)
You’re feeling organized enough to alphabetize madness. It won’t work. Instead, lean into the chaos—there’s something important written in ketchup on the wall. Decipher it before the raccoons do.
♎ Libra (Scales of the Scrap Heap)
Decisions come like pigeons—messy, persistent, and mostly uninterested in your inner peace. Tip the scales toward the side that smells like adventure. Bonus if it comes with snacks.
♏ Scorpio (Scorpion of Smoke Rings)
You’re smolderin’, Scorpio. Today, you could charm the fleas off a bar dog. But don’t use your power to seduce trouble—it’s already planning a surprise party with knives. Flirt responsibly.
♐ Sagittarius (Archer of Alley Arrows)
Your arrow flies high, but don’t forget to watch your own feet. Today’s hunt leads to strange treasure: possibly enlightenment, possibly an old sandwich that whispers. Trust your aim, question the bread.
♑ Capricorn (Goat of Gravel Paths)
Hard-headed and high-climbing, you’re ready to build an empire outta milk crates. A mysterious mentor appears—probably drunk, definitely wise. He offers a riddle and half a can of beans. Accept both.
♒ Aquarius (Water-Bearer of the Rain Barrel)
You’re seeing patterns in the steam, hearing voices in the soup. That’s not madness—it’s perception. Share your weird wisdom, even if folks laugh. The universe laughs with ‘em, but it listens too.
♓ Pisces (Fish of Freight Car Floods)
You’re dreamy today, lost in a fog of what-ifs and maybe-somethings. It’s beautiful. Just don’t walk into traffic or marry a haunted mannequin again. Your emotions are valid. So is pepper spray.
Hobo Tip o’ the Day:
If someone offers you a harmonica wrapped in twine and regret, take it—but blow only on the third hole. That one’s tuned to destiny.
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