Here come the cosmic crumbs scraped off the iron skillet of destiny—Hobo Harry’s horoscopes for May 29th, 2025. Read ‘em by the flicker of a trash fire, and listen close: the stars been drinkin’ kerosene again.
♈ Aries (Ram of Rusty Rails)
You’ll be full of steam and no brakes today. But before you barrel through someone else’s stew pot, ask yourself: is this a crossing or a derailment? Best to wait for the signal.
♉ Taurus (Bull of Boxcars)
You’re stubborn as a mule wearing cement galoshes. But today, that grit pays off—especially if you’re arm-wrestling a ghost or bargaining with a deeply philosophical raccoon.
♊ Gemini (Twins of Track-Switchin’)
You’ll feel like two hobos in one bindle: half wants to head east, the other wants pie. Embrace the split. Sometimes the journey is the pie. Other times it’s a raccoon trap. Proceed accordingly.
♋ Cancer (Crab of Coal Dust)
Your shell feels thin today, like the bottom of a tin cup that’s seen too many winters. Hide under the bridge if needed, but keep your ears open—someone’s got a secret, and it involves you and a can of peaches.
♌ Leo (Lion of Lantern Light)
You’ll roar, alright—but maybe don’t do it during the preacher’s bath time. This day’s about charm, not volume. A well-timed wink may open doors, or at least loosen a pickle jar of fortune.
♍ Virgo (Virgin of Vinegar Jars)
You’ll try to clean up the chaos—but the chaos bites back. Don’t alphabetize the junk pile today. Let entropy dance. Wisdom might be hiding in the misplaced mayonnaise.
♎ Libra (Scales of the Scrap Heap)
A tough choice approaches: jump the train with friends or stay behind for the mystery sandwich. The universe is testing your balance, but remember—sometimes both options give you worms.
♏ Scorpio (Scorpion of Smoke Rings)
Somebody’s been pokin’ around your stash spot. Stay cool, coil tight, and don’t strike unless the hot sauce’s gone too. Trust in your sting—but don’t waste it on a pigeon with opinions.
♐ Sagittarius (Archer of Alley Arrows)
Your aim’s true, but your arrows are bent. Don’t let it stop you. Today, weird methods yield wondrous results. Look out for a woman with a ferret and a promise.
♑ Capricorn (Goat of Gravel Paths)
Today, you climb—but the mountain’s made of shopping carts and regret. Still, higher ground offers perspective. You’ll spot someone down below who needs a hand… or a sandwich.
♒ Aquarius (Water-Bearer of the Rain Barrel)
Strange visions bubble up from the rain barrel tonight—faces, songs, maybe a sock puppet prophet. Take notes. They’ll come in handy when you’re asked to speak at the raccoon council.
♓ Pisces (Fish of Freight Car Floods)
You’re drifting, and that’s okay—but don’t mistake motion for direction. Toss your bottle messages with care today. Someone might actually find one, and answer with cheese.
Trash Fire Tip of the Day:
If the wind shifts and you smell mustard, turn around. Fate doesn’t always knock—it honks and drips.
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