Horoscopes from Hobo Harry – April 26, 2025
Scryed ‘neath the noonlight glint off my twelve sacred bean cans, with a trash fire flickerin’ and raccoons in council.
♈ Aries – The Rattlin’ Ram Can
Today the beans of yore show movement—quick feet, twitchy fingers. You got wanderlust in your boots, Aries. A sudden change of course will reveal hidden treasure (or at least a good patch of wild onions). Don’t argue with train conductors today—they bite harder than you.
♉ Taurus – The Bull of Burnt Beans
The can sings low and deep today, like a jug half-full of moonshine. Stability’s your friend, Taurus. Stake your claim near an old bridge and stay put. An old friend—or perhaps just a very persistent raccoon—will return what you thought was lost.
♊ Gemini – The Twin-Tin Whispers
Your can crackled with static today, Gemini—two voices squabblin’. You’ll feel pulled in opposite directions, like tryin’ to hop two boxcars at once. Choose one, and don’t look back. A message written in chalk will guide your path.
♋ Cancer – The Crab Can of Cling
The beans swirled counterclockwise, Cancer. You’re swimmin’ upstream, but don’t let sentimentality chain you to a sinking raft. Let go of what’s moldy. The stars say it’s time to trade stories with a stranger—preferably one with a harmonica.
♌ Leo – The Can of Golden Beans
The firelight danced high in your tin, Leo. Fortune favors your flair today. Strut through the railyard like you own it, but beware of stepping in raccoon business. Someone’s watchin’ you—give ‘em a show they’ll never forget.
♍ Virgo – The Meticulous Bean Sorter
Your can clinked with tidiness, Virgo. Order is your ally, but don’t let perfection keep you from the pleasures of grime. You may find love in a misplaced glove or wisdom in a dog-eared map. Clean your bindle—something valuable’s hidin’ at the bottom.
♎ Libra – The Balanced Baked Can
Beans shifted side to side, Libra, never spillin’, never settlin’. Today you’ll need to play peacemaker between two squabbling hobos or ideologies (or raccoons). Speak kind, speak fair, but keep a rusty shiv in your sock just in case.
♏ Scorpio – The Can That Smolders
O Scorpio, your beans steamed under the lid. Secrets bubble up like forgotten stew. Someone’s been watchin’ you from the shadows—lean into the mystery. But beware: don’t stare too long into the soot-black flames, lest they stare back.
♐ Sagittarius – The Can of Wild Wanderin’
Beans scattered like buckshot, Sag. Your road’s wide open today—take the long way, the weird way, the way with more graffiti. A strange dog might become your companion. Listen to it—it knows more than it lets on.
♑ Capricorn – The Can with the Iron Lid
The beans clinked like coins in a miser’s jar. You’re buildin’ somethin’ real, Cap—a shelter, a plan, a stew empire. But don’t let stubbornness become your compass. Accept help when it’s offered, even if it comes from a barefoot prophet in a shopping cart.
♒ Aquarius – The Eccentric Tin Rattle
Your can hummed like a jug band today. Revolution’s in the air—be the spark, Aquarius. Today’s the day to yell wild truths at a city wall or teach pigeons philosophy. Expect an invention—or at least a real good hat—to change your life.
♓ Pisces – The Can of Deep, Wet Beans
The condensation on your tin tells tales of dreams, Pisces. Emotions’ll roll over you like a freight train. Don’t fight ‘em—float. Music or memory will guide you home. Trust visions seen in puddles, and avoid men named “One-Eyed Chester.”
Now go forth, my star-soaked vagabonds. And remember: the future’s just a riddle wrapped in a raincoat sleepin’ behind a diner.