gather ’round the sacred trash fire and lend your ears to Hobo Harry, master of the mystic arts and bean can divination. After a morning of deep Trash Fire Meditation and a double scry into a refried bean can and a tuna tin (for balance), I bring you today’s horoscopes, rusted and trusted, hot from the rails:
♈ Aries
The can hissed at first, then burped out a vision: You’re about to leap before you look, which is your usual jam. But today, that puddle might be deeper than it seems. Bring floaties. Or just float on faith.
♉ Taurus
A stubborn crust of beans clung to the bottom, just like you cling to your routines. Try trading one comfort for chaos today—you might find treasure in that overturned shopping cart.
♊ Gemini
Two beans, side by side. Twins. One sweet, one spicy. Today you’ll say the right thing… and then immediately contradict it. It’ll charm the pigeons and confuse the rest. Lean into it.
♋ Cancer
Steam from the can spiraled into a crab-shaped cloud. You’re extra sensitive today, like a raccoon with wet socks. Retreat to your metaphorical dumpster and recharge.
♌ Leo
The fire sparked dramatically when I whispered your name. Classic Leo. Today’s a good day to strut your stuff—just make sure your cloak’s not tucked into your pants. You’re royalty, but humble pie’s still on the menu.
♍ Virgo
The can whistled a tune only you would recognize as being “off key.” Details will matter more than usual today—check your assumptions and your sandwich for mustard you didn’t order.
♎ Libra
The can showed a scale balanced on two spoons—one clean, one… formerly chili. You’ll be asked to make a decision today, and both sides will be equally unappealing. Flip a coin, then deny you ever cared.
♏ Scorpio
The flames formed an intense pair of eyes. Someone’s watching you, and they might owe you beans. Trust your gut and sharpen your instincts—but maybe don’t confront them in the alley behind the 7-Eleven. Not yet.
♐ Sagittarius
A bean rolled out of the can, bounced twice, and landed in my boot. Adventure is calling—and it might be collect. Answer it anyway. Life’s too short to ignore mystical wrong numbers.
♑ Capricorn
The soot shaped into a tiny mountain goat standing on a trash pile. Today’s about climbing, even if the ladder’s made of milk crates and bad ideas. Steady wins the race. Or at least doesn’t get tetanus.
♒ Aquarius
The bean can sang—a weird, echoey sound, like a kazoo underwater. Your ideas are strange, wild, and exactly what the universe ordered. Go invent something useless. It might become your legacy.
♓ Pisces
The beans swirled into a spiral, then just kinda… squished. Feelings are gonna hit hard today. Cry into your bindle if you must, but know this: The fish that swims upstream finds the hidden vending machine of fate.
🪙 With soot on my fingers and wisdom in my beard,
I remain, your faithful guide through cosmic garbage,
Hobo Harry
Seer of Scrap, Whisperer of Cans, and Guardian of the Flame
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